Motherhood is often called “the hardest job in the world.” Yet, ironically, it’s also the least recognized, least measured, and least valued form of labor in our society.
I didn’t want to let this year end without writing this article. Nearly twelve months passed, and I wasn’t able to pursue one of my true passions: writing. And no, this isn’t about poor time management or a lack of discipline. It’s simply the reality of this phase of life.
In February, I became second time mom. I gave birth to my second child, a sweet, calm, beautiful baby boy. I am deeply grateful. A daughter and a son. Two bright little souls who enrich my life in ways words can barely describe. I feel truly blessed. And like many mothers in Germany, I stepped into the familiar structure: the mother takes at least one year of parental leave (Elternzeit), receives a portion of her previous net income, and cares for the newborn full-time until their first birthday. Some mothers choose to stay home even longer; others return to work but, culturally, it is widely assumed, and often expected, that the mother will pause her career to be at home during the first years. In Germany, from age one onward, children typically start kindergarten, which makes it more feasible for mothers to reenter the workforce.
In my work as a Business and Career Coach, I encounter the same narrative from mothers again and again, regardless of culture, background, or profession.
They tell me, “I feel like I’m doing everything, but no one sees it.” Some even admit that their partners believe they are “not doing anything all day” because they stay at home. Yet the most exhausting parts of their workload leave no visible trace.
Welcome to the world of the invisible workload.
Let me start.
What exactly is the invisible workload & how it affects us, mothers?
The invisible workload is all the mental, emotional, cognitive, and organizational labor that keeps a household, family, and life running, without anyone explicitly noticing.
It includes:
- fulltime carework of newborns and babies
- carework of older children, before and after the kindergarten
- taking children to extracurricular activities
- arranging activities after the kindergarden: taking them to library, playground etc
- feeding children
- start evening routine, prepare bathtime; often done alone by mothers
- tidying up and cleaning mess left behind
- preparing meals
- offering emotional support
- educating the children with certain values
- organising birthday parties, playdates, christenings etc
- seeking new doctors, following up health topics
- managing doctors’ appointments, KiTa issues, parent-teacher meetings
- organizing gifts, school forms, christmas presents
- maintaining emotional stability for the whole family
- washing children’s clothes, folding and putting away
- anticipating needs before they become problems
- thinking ahead 3–5 steps at all times
- preparing lunchboxes
- doing all the paperwork, in Germany we are full of that, among many others
It’s a constant project management, but unpaid, unseen and unrecognized, yet essential.
Mothers carry the majority of this load. Not because they love multitasking, but because society has normalized it and if they (we) don´t do it, everything collapses.
Sadly, partners also often don’t see it, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t there
Many mothers in my network share a painful truth: “their partners genuinely do not realize how much they carry.”
Why?
Because invisible work is noticed only when it stops happening. If you always anticipate needs, take responsibility, and fix issues before they escalate, the household appears to run „naturally.” It looks easy, effortless, even, until the mother steps back or reaches burnout.
This disconnect is not about bad husbands or partners. It’s about cultural conditioning. Many men were never taught to recognize or value the labor women perform daily. But I strongly think, that awareness is deeply necessary. We are not only mothers; we are also professionals with ambitions, dreams, and personal aspirations.
And this invisible (mental) workload follows mothers into their professional lives.
Furthermore, when returning to work after maternity leave, many mothers face significant challenges. For example:
- assumptions about their commitment
- reduced responsibilities
- fewer career opportunities
- pressure to “prove” productivity
- unrealistic expectations in hybrid or part-time roles
Some mothers working 20–30 hours tell me they are still included in all the unnecessary meetings that swallow half their working time, making part-time work feel like full-time stress with reduced pay.
The result?
Mothers are often overloaded at home and at work, carrying responsibilities they did not agree to but feel unable to refuse. And they end up working extra hours in the evening, when children are asleep, to meet expectations and unrealistic deadlines.
Workplaces also have a powerful role to play. Supporting parents is not charity, it’s smart talent management.
Here’s what forward-thinking employers do:
1. Eliminate bias toward mothers
Stop assuming mothers are less committed, less ambitious, or less available.
2. Recognize caregiving as a leadership skill
Organizing, prioritizing, delegating, empathizing, crisis-managing. Motherhood is leadership training at a world-class level.
3. Offer flexibility based on trust, not control
Trust leads to higher productivity than micromanagement ever will.
4. Encourage father involvement
More shared responsibility at home means more equity at work.
5. Normalize hybrid and part-time leadership roles
Leadership is not about sitting at a desk for eight hours, but about impact, decision-making, clarity, and accountability. I firmly believe that mothers bring exceptional leadership skills and should be more strongly represented in management.
6. Measure outcomes, not hours
The future of work is results-driven.
Why this conversation matters
The invisible workload isn’t just a personal issue, it’s a societal and workplace issue that influences:
- women’s mental health
- the well-being of entire families
- career development and career progression
- workforce participation
- integration opportunities for migrant mothers
- overall equality & economic growth
- financial dependency
- risk of poverty
- professional network & social life
The gender pay gap, persistent part-time employment, reduced income over decades, career interruptions, and the resulting risk of old-age poverty are just some of the long-term consequences many mothers face. When invisible labor becomes visible, we begin to transform not only households, but also workplaces, policies, and cultural expectations.
A reflection for all of us
If you are a mother reading this:
You are not alone. Do not let anyone define your worth. You are doing more than anyone sees.
If you are a partner:
Ask yourself: What mental load is my partner carrying that I have never thought about? And what can I do about it? She is doing it for your children.
If you are an employer:
Ask your team: „Are we really designing our workplace for real humans with real lives?“
Parents are part of your workforce, treat them like the valuable asset they are.
Invisible does not mean insignificant. Silent does not mean effortless. Unpaid does not mean unskilled.
It is time to acknowledge, make visible, and systematically address the invisible workload—at home, in the workplace, and across society. I am committed to using my voice to drive change, advocating for more inclusive workplaces, equitable policies, and fair recognition of the contributions of women and mothers. True progress requires not only awareness, but deliberate action to reshape systems, norms, and expectations.
